a mother and daughter standing under trees

Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, has always had a strained relationship with her parents.  It stems primarily from a split between their wishes and desires for her and her wishes and desires for herself.  Her situation is not unique.  Often adult daughters have strained relationships with their parents.

How daughters interact with their parents can be determined by cultural norms and age, but they can vary within families as well.

“Mother-daughter relationships often have different meanings and may be given different power in a person’s life; but one of the important things to remember is that as daughters mature into adulthood, these connections must, in some ways, be dealt with as any other relationship between two adults,” F. Diane Barth, a psychotherapist, says.

Daughters’ Relationships with Mothers

Family at a dinner table

Mother daughter relationships can be complicated

When it comes to cultural norms, it can be difficult for daughters to break away from patterns that have existed for generations.

One example is the culture of female service that expects women to be caregivers.

“Families that subscribe to the culture of female service expect mothers and daughters to be selfless, sacrificial, self-neglecting caregivers,” Rosjke Hasseldine, a mother-daughter relationship therapist, explains.  “This belief system does not recognize women as people with needs of their own.”

Hasseldine notes that when mothers and daughters work together to end generational patriarchy, sexism, and gender inequality in their families, they become able to recognize, and voice, their own needs.

When it comes to family dynamics, there are a number of situations that can lead to mother-daughter conflict.

  • The daughter is moving toward independence. The mother views this as a loss.  In addition, daughters may view their mothers’ advice as interfering.
  • Women tend to overshare, which means conversations can result in arguments or hurt feelings.
  • If mothers and daughters are separated by distance, this can cause a loss of closeness. This is because women use body language and facial expressions in addition to tone to communicate.
  • In many families, mothers pass on information. This also means they can be blamed if information is passed on incorrectly or misunderstood.  Instead, mothers should encourage various family members to pass on the information themselves.
  • Jealousy of other relationships can be viewed unconsciously as perceived threats.

Daughters’ Relationships with Fathers

Adult daughter and elderly father

Daughters also have complicated relationships with their fathers

Daddy issues also are common.  Many therapists and others, however, do not like this term because it implies that the problem lies solely with the child.  No matter what you call them, these issues stem from children’s trouble relationships with their fathers that can cause mistrust and uncertainty.

Issues can stem from having an absentee father.  Conversely, if a child was favored over her siblings or spoiled, this also can lead to issues as can mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.

Here are some of the signs of daddy issues:

  • Only be attracted to or dating older males as a substitute for either the security the women lacked with their own fathers or a need to be worshipped and adored.
  • Constant fears her partner is cheating on her.
  • Needing constant reassurance.
  • A fear of abandonment.
  • Seeing dysfunctional relationships as normal.

While these issues are often applied to women, sons also can be negatively impacted by their relationships with their fathers.

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to Rock Star Mom available in eBook, paperback and hardcover.  The fourth installment in the Rock Star’s Wife series follows Cassie through her unglamorous daily life in the Chicago suburbs, as she struggles to balance raising a family with the pursuit of her long-held aspirations. Buy now.

To listen to the songs mentioned in The Rock Star’s Wife series, follow The Rock Star’s Wife on Spotify.

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