For Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, a dysfunctional family is the norm. This comes into sharp focus in Sexual Awakening and Family Upheaval. Let’s examine family dysfunction.
Psych Central defines a functional family as one in which family members enjoy spending time together, mutually respect each other, engage in healthy conflict and embrace each other’s differences. These families have rules that are flexible and can change as family members grow and change.
Dysfunctional families, conversely, can exhibit a number of negative traits such as violence in the household, parents who are absent, and no love and affection. Dysfunctional families also can come in the form of authoritarian parents who do not respect their children’s right to privacy, have unrealistic expectations or don’t allow children to express themselves.
Types of Dysfunctional Families
Dysfunctional families can include physical, sexual or psychological abuse
As you can see from the definition, not all dysfunctional families are dysfunctional in the same way. There are five types of dysfunctional families.
- Conflict-Driven: This family is defined by conflict because of its inability to communicate effectively. The family will argue, feud, pick fights, purposefully annoy each other to cause conflict.
- Emotionally Detached: This family either lacks physical affection or is emotionally unavailable. Children learn to repress their feelings.
- Authoritarian: In this family, parents are dictators and children cannot make their own decisions.
- Violent: This family experiences physical, verbal, sexual, or psychological abuse.
- Substance Abuse: This family includes members who are addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Do you see the Economos family in any of these types? I see them in the first three.
Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families
Just as there are different types of dysfunctional families, there many characteristics that define them. Here are a few:
- Poor communication
- Having little privacy
- Controlling behavior
- Wants and needs are disrespected or overlooked
- Fear – whether fear of abuse or to be emotionally vulnerable
- Excessive criticism
- Pressure to make choices you don’t want to make
- Pressure to be perfect
- Lack of empathy
- Conditional love
Marriage.com offers the following tips for anyone who grew up with family dysfunction.
- Identify and acknowledge the dysfunction’s affect on you
- Set boundaries with family members
- Seek professional help
Roles in Dysfunctional Families
In dysfunctional families, members have roles
“We adopt certain personality characteristics based on our position, or the ‘role’ we have within the family unit,” Psychology Today says. “If our family was dysfunctional, our role morphs out of the unhealthy patterns and exists to maintain the ongoing dysfunction.”
Here are the common roles in a dysfunctional family:
- Golden child: Can do no wrong
- Hero: His or her achievements and successes cast the family in a positive light
- Mascot: Diffuses conflict using deflection and humor
- Identified parent: The person most often identified as being the source of the family’s problems
- Scapegoat/Black sheep: The one who broke away and often is the most honest member of the family
- Lost child: Tries to go unnoticed to avoid conflict or attention
- Enabler/Caregiver: Works to keep up the family’s appearances
- Parentified child: Takes on the role of spouse in a parent’s absence
Again, see any members of the Economos family here?
Here’s the 4-1-1
This blog is a companion piece to Family Upheaval available in eBook, paperback and hardcover. Family drama is the name of the game in this emotional follow-up to Sex and Surprises, as Cassandra Hardwick is forced to deal with the fallout when a casually taken DNA test turns up some life-changing results. Buy now.
To listen to the songs mentioned in The Rock Star’s Wife series, follow The Rock Star’s Wife on Spotify.
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