One of the main themes of The Rock Star’s Wife series is sex. When we first meet Cassandra as a high schooler in Sexual Awakening, she’s, well, exploring her sexuality. But how realistic are her and her friends’ experiences? To answer this question, I conducted research in teenage sexuality. Unlike the other research I completed for the series, I did this after writing the book. Why? Because Cassandra and crew were going to behave the way they behave regardless of the research. However, the research proved that the characters’ behavior was spot on.
Here’s what I discovered:
A sense of gender is established by age three, and awareness of gender identity and roles develops during childhood. During puberty and adolescence, youth undergo the most changes regarding sexual development.
Early adolescence occurs between ages 10 and 13, middle adolescence from ages 14 to 16 years, and late adolescence from ages 17 to 19 years. Youth are most concerned about their body image during early adolescence whereas youth develop a sense of identity and sexual interest during late adolescence.
An adolescent’s attitude toward sexuality is affected by parents, peer relationships, culture, media, television, literature and movies with sexuality content, socio-economic factors, politics, spirituality, psychology, and other factors.
Adolescent Sexual Behaviors
More than 90 percent of people lose their virginity before marriage. Virgins tend to be one of the following: younger, less physically mature, religious, have parents who disapprove of sex, or have a higher body mass index. Teens who were still virgins usually stated it was because of religious reasons, because they hadn’t found the right person, or they didn’t want to get pregnant. The majority would have sex if given the opportunity.
Around the age of 12 or 13, boys and girls begin to show an interest in sexual topics. They might read about sex or view pornography, nude photos or animals having sex. They also might spy on others who are changing their clothing or bathing.
Sexual behavior during the ages of 13 and 14 is usually limited to masturbation, sexual jokes or double entendres, talking to other teens about sexual thoughts, playing kissing games, hugging, flirting, and playfully hitting or tickling.
Sexually Active Teenagers
At age 12, 5 percent of adolescents are sexually active. This jumps to 70 percent by age 19.
Teenagers who date someone steadily are more likely to be sexually active, although less than 10 percent of teens do report having had their first sexual experience with someone they just met. When one partner is two years older than the other, the likelihood of having sex is 26 percent. This increases to 33 percent if one of the partners is three years older. In relationships where someone age 12 to 14 dates someone age 15 to 19, the likelihood of sex activity increases to 47 percent.
A total of 17 percent of male high schoolers and 13 percent of female high schoolers have had more than four sexual partners.
Teen pregnancies comprise one-sixth of all unplanned pregnancies. Teens ages 15 to 19 are 17 percent of women of reproductive age and account for 18 percent of women having abortions. Women between the ages of 20 and 24 account for an additional 33 percent of abortions.
Rates of rape and sexual assault are highest among young women. Of women who have been raped, the crime occurred 30 percent of the time when the females were between the ages of 11 and 17, and 37 percent of the time when they were between the ages of 18 and 24.
Teens also are at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. Most of the reported cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea were among people ages 15 to 24.
Teenage Sexuality in the 1990s
Sexual Awakening and a portion of Mr. Right is A Myth take place during the 1990s. Here’s a look at teenage sexuality during the decade.
In 1991, 54 percent of high schoolers had sex. Teenage pregnancy rates reached a height of more than 100 per 1,000 girls.
In 1995, 18 percent of high schoolers had four or more sexual partners. Teenage pregnancy rates dropped to 83.6 per 1000 girls.
In 1998, Los Angeles Times reported:
- 4 percent of high schoolers were sexually active.
- 8 percent used condoms.
- 38 percent of teens had sex in ninth grade and 60.9 percent in 12th grade.
- 8 percent of teenage males and 47.7 percent of teenage females had sex.
- Approximately 3 million sexually transmitted diseases annually were diagnosed among teenagers.
- Approximately 1 million girls become pregnant.
The findings were based on surveys of more than 50,000 students during the 1990s.
Birth Control Use Among Teens
Approximately 80 percent of teens used some form of contraception during their first sex experience, with the condom being the most popular contraceptive method for girls followed by withdrawal and the pill.
In 1995, 96 percent of sexually active teenage girls used some method of contraception. Today, that figure is 99 percent.
The use of hormonal contraception, however, has been shown to be linked to depression, especially among teenagers.
University of Copenhagen scientists studied more than 1 million females ages 15 to 34. They found that teenage girls on combined birth control pills were 80 percent more likely to be prescribed an antidepressant than girls who didn’t use any hormonal birth control. The rate increased to 120 percent more likely when taking progestin-only pills. Girls who used other hormonal methods had triple the risk.
Mood swings are one of the reasons women stop taking hormonal birth control.
Sources:
Understanding normal development of adolescent sexuality: A bumpy ride
The Development of Adolescent Sexuality
Over Half of U.S. Teens Have Had Sexual Intercourse by Age 18, New Report Shows
CDC: 40% of U.S. teens are sexually active
12 Surprising Teenage Sexuality Statistics
Emerging Sexuality: Do I Have a Sexually Active Teenager?
Sexual Health of Adolescents and Young Adults in the United States
Fewer U.S. Teens Having Sex in ‘90s, Officials Say
Sex & Sexuality Question 2: What Shape is Your Butt?
Is there a part of your body that you’re self conscious about? For Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, it’s her rear. It causes her much embarrassment during high school when, having a newly developed woman’s body, she’s convinced it attracts unwanted attention. In reality, there’s nothing special about Cassandra’s booty. There are four butt shapes, and all women have a variation of one of them.
“What doesn’t make me happy is that my butt, which already was high and round has gotten even higher and rounder. I feel self-conscious in bottoms, so I usually pull my t-shirt low to cover my ass up or wear a casual dress. I really don’t like guys seeing me in my swimsuit. Maybe I should stop going to the pool.” – Sexual Awakening, Chapter 2
Of course, what doesn’t make Cassandra happy, makes the boys (and later men) she dates ecstatic.
“The only person hitting on me is a petite brunette with a bubble butt, and that’s how I want it.” – Corey in Christmas Surprise, Chapter 5
Cassandra has little control over her caboose’s profile. That’s because it’s mostly genetic, determined by the shape of the pelvis along with muscle and fat distribution. Her sister Vanessa and their double cousins Persephone and Maroula no doubt also have the same body shape. Depending on which side of the family the trait comes from, other cousins probably do as well.
Eating properly and targeted exercises can change the shape of your glutes. Some people also resort to plastic surgery to achieve the desired look.
Butt shapes are determined by looking at the ratio between the waist, hips, and thighs. The classification system was developed by plastic surgeons. The four shapes are:
H Shape
In H Shaped butts, there is a straight line from the hip to the outer thigh. This shape is caused by high hip bones, and this body type is more prone to hip dips (an inward curve below the hip bone). Seen from behind, these butts have a square shape.
O Shape
In O Shaped butts, fat is equally distributed around the ass cheeks. When seen from the back, there is a round appearance while from the side, the butt sits high and looks full.
Also known as a bubble butt, women with this type butt are prone to wedgies and cellulite, but also tend to be curvy.
This shape also is the most common butt shape for men.
A Shape
A Shaped butts look like an upside-down heart when viewed from behind. Fat distribution tends to be in the lower portion of the cheek as well as the upper thighs. It is commonly found in women with a pear shaped figure.
V Shape
V shaped butts don’t have much volume in the lower cheeks and can appear somewhat flat or flabby. This shape is more common in postmenopausal women when estrogen changes redistribute body fat, but can be found at any age if the person has wide shoulders and thin hips.
Sex & Sexuality Question 3: Are High Sex Drives Normal?
For Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, one of the chief characteristics that makes her her is her high sex drive. As a teenager and young adult, it defines her dating relationships and is a marker for whether a boyfriend is a good match or not. But did Cassie really need to worry? Let’s look at the science behind high sex drives.
Someone out there will accept me for me, high sex drive and all, right? ‒ Dear Diary, Mr. Right is a Myth
Libido, the scientific word for sex drive, is influenced by hormones, age and physical health as well as things like the quality of a person’s relationship and whether or not they are going through a stressful period. What’s normal varies from person to person.
The more a person engages in sex or masturbation, the more he or she will desire sexual activity.
Are Men and Women Equal?
My high sex drive doesn’t make me easy, so I don’t tell guys about it until it becomes necessary. – Chapter 21, Mr. Right is a Myth
In Sexual Awakening, Cassie’s mother tells her that men have substantially higher sex drives than women, prompting Cassie to wonder why she’s abnormal. But is that true? Do men really have higher sex drives than women?
Both sexes experience their first sexual desires during puberty. For men, their sex drive begins to drop in their late 30s or 40s as testosterone levels decreases. Women have a spike in sexual desire around ovulation. This is because this is the fertile time in their cycles.
Research is proving notions like women need wooed to be turned on and men think about sex constantly are stereotypes. Studies have shown people respond to sexual questions differently when they know others will read their responses.
“Our social norms and the ways we’re raised to either lean into our sexuality or repress it have a huge impact on how we experience our sexuality and how we report it in studies,” Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, a marriage and family therapist, says. “People raised as men in our society have been typically given more permission to speak openly about wanting sex, while young women have often been told not to express their sexuality.”
High Sex Drives the Norm?
Is there such a thing as too high a sex drive? According to medical experts, high sex drives are normal unless they are part of a condition called sexual compulsion. People who suffer from sexual compulsion engage in destructive sexual activity such as risky sexual behaviors, secretive sexual behaviors, and have a dependency on sex. They also have an inability to establish healthy relationships, a desire to quit sexual activities but an inability to do so, and impaired mental health. The sexual activity interferes with their ability to live their day-to-day lives.
The condition can be treated with therapy, engaging in other physical activity such as exercise, and medication.
Society’s and an individual’s expectations can sometimes make people think their sex drive is abnormal when it is not.
“When someone with a high sex drive is partnered with someone with low libido, they may be shamed by their partner for wanting “too much” sex when, in reality, both partners may have normal levels of desire and are dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy (i.e., a relationship issue),” Psychology Today explains.
The problem is perception, the website says, not the individuals’ libidos.
When Sex Drives Differ
Sex drives aren’t considered low unless they affect people’s mental health. Low sex drives can be caused by numerous factors including medical conditions, a history of sexual assault or abuse, and past negative sexual experiences. Like with sexual compulsion, it can be treated with therapy and medication as well as lifestyle changes.
What happens when partners in a relationship have different sex drives? Couples with different sex drive levels is a situation called sex drive discrepancy.
“Partners with high sex drives who repeatedly experience rejection may develop low self-esteem and resentment toward their partners, while the people with low sex drives may feel guilty, overwhelmed, and pressured,” Medical News Today says.
Couples can cope by discussing the situation, being empathetic and making compromises. They also can plan sex, engage in activities such as mutual masturbation, engage in foreplay, and speak to a therapist.
Researchers have been unable to find a connection to infidelity based on high sex drive alone, although those with both a high sex drive and low impulse control did have slightly higher rates of cheating. Researchers caution that sex drive, or even lack of self control, are not precursors alone of infidelity. The quality of the relationship is the number one factor.
Sex & Sexuality Question 4: How Often are Americans Having Sex?
Nat and Cassandra, the main characters in The Rock Star’s Wife series, have sex with great frequency whenever he’s not on the road. Is their sex life typical of the average American? As it turns out, it isn’t. Let’s take a look at American sex lives.
First, I must caution you that although these percentages and statistics came from scientific studies, they are just that ‒ percentages and statistics. What is normal varies from couple to couple, and there is no normal that can be applied to everyone.
Second, I must also caution that there is no way of verifying whether people tell the truth in anonymous surveys. Sex in many ways still is viewed as taboo, and we live in a society that encourages male promiscuity while simultaneously encouraging women to stay pure. People are embarrassed to discuss their sex lives. Having said that, the surveys are researchers only source of information.
Four factors affect how often people have sex:
- Age
- Health
- The relationship
- Responsibilities such as work, chores and child rearing
The average person in a committed relationship has sex two to three times a month, according to 2022’s General Social Survey. Still that average is only 21 percent of people surveyed. A total of 37 percent had sex between never and once a month, and 42 percent had sex between once a week and three times a week.
Increased frequency doesn’t necessarily make people happier, the researchers found, because increased frequency can cause a decease in desire and enjoyment.
According to the National Survey of Family Growth, 73 percent of people had one sexual partner over the course of the past 12 months. The average number of sexual partners in a lifetime for people ages 25-49 was 2-4 partners for women and 15 or more for men.
For older age groups, 88 percent of men and 72 percent of women between 44 and 59 years old are sexually active. Between 57 and 72, this drops to 72 percent of men and only 45 percent of women.
Favorite Sexual Positions
People engage in a variety of sexual acts. In order of most to least frequency, they are masturbate alone, penile-vaginal intercourse, received oral, gave oral, masturbate with a partner, and anal.
Which brings up an interesting question: what are people’s favorite sexual positions”
Since the series focuses on women’s experiences, so will we. Women’s favorite positions are cowgirl/female superior, doggy-style, missionary and 69, according to a survey by Superdrug Online Doctor.
Cowgirl was the position that caused women to reach orgasm the fastest. They also reach orgasm quickly and easily with sex toys. Nearly one-third of women got a big O from them. Other orgasm inducers were dirty talk, watching porn with a partner, anal sex and BDSM.
Women feel the sexiest wearing lingerie followed by dirty talk with their partner, BDSM, role-playing and being spanked.
What do people fear in bed? Women’s top fear is not being flexible enough while men’s top fear is the possibility of hurting their partner.
Sex and the COVID-19 Pandemic
Researchers learned that during the COVID-19 pandemic many people’s sex lives changed. Not quite half, 46 percent, reported having more sex while 19 percent reported having less sex. Why the difference? For many people sex is a way to blow off stress. For others, being stressed makes it difficult to get in the mood.
“The world around us was so challenging. It was scary,” Justin Garcia, Kinsey Institute executive director, told USA Today. “There was an infectious disease that had become a deadly pandemic. There were economic implications for that. People were staying home from work, from school. Those aren’t any of the ingredients that we know from decades of research that are conducive to sexual interest.”
For people with long-haul COVID-19, there are mental or physical affects that prevent sex or make it undesirable. Women were more likely to have psychological concerns while men had physical issues such as erectile dysfunction.
Sex & Sexuality Question 5: How Do We Fall in Love?
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about lust at first sight? For Cassie and Nat in Rock Star Romance, they experience both – Nat leaning toward experiencing more admiration and Cassie experiencing more lust. Cassie and Corey in Mr. Right is a Myth share a similar, although less intense, experience. So what dictates how we feel about potential romantic partners?
When we find someone attractive, the brain releases hormones that produce a physical affect.
Our need to reproduce, continuing the human race, causes a lust response. The brain releases hormones from the sex organs. Everyone produces testosterone, not just men, and it controls our sex drives.
It is possible to feel attraction without lust. Attraction is fueled by dopamine and norepinephrine. These control mood and are responsible for the upbeat and happy emotions people experience while falling in love as well as a decreased appetite and sleeplessness. At the same time, levels of serotonin, a mood stabilizer, drop.
Dopamine is the reward hormone. It makes us desire more of what makes us feel good, such as sex, but it also can cause people to give in to destructive impulses that also give a high such as overeating or drugs.
Two more hormones, oxytocin and vasopression, cause a feeling of attachment. This feeling also happens among close family members and friends.
Ever notice how love makes people act strangely or act stupid in certain situations? Well, that’s hormones, too, switching off certain areas of the brain in favor of falling in love.
We learn how relationships (both romantic and platonic) work from our parents, which no doubt explains generational patterns of abuse, among other things. Our parents teach us whether relationships are worth having and what to expect from them.
What happens in a romantic relationship once the falling in love stage ends varies based on the people involved.
“Some might fear the possibility of rejection, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love,” Psychology Today explains. “Where the relationship goes from here becomes increasingly complicated. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy — and, as a result, drive their lover away. Some may dive in, secure in their hopes that this might be the relationship that lasts.”
After six to 18 months, hormones return to normal. During this period, couples begin to notice their partners aren’t perfect. They may have their first argument.
“For some, the weight of these disagreements will overwhelm the goodwill in the relationship and one or both will conclude that they are not intended for each other,” Smart Living says. “For others, these setbacks become part of the learning curve as we discover how to love, forgive, reinvest and ultimately thrive together.”
For those who stay committed, the deeper love that follows has its perks. In addition to a feeling of security and solidarity, researchers have learned that romantic partners’ breathing aligns and their heart rhythms synchronize. They also show fewer signs of stress when enduring physical hardships.
Sex & Sexuality Question 6: Where Do Slang Words For Sex and Body Parts Come From?
I know all the slang words for body parts and sex acts thanks to the dozens of erotic books I’ve read over the past year, so of course my guess is the correct one. – Chapter 12, Sexual Awakening
Have you ever stopped to think about the origins of these words? Most have been part of the English language for centuries. Since Cassie has a habit of pondering the origin of idioms, she probably has given the topic of slang more than a passing fancy.
Here are the origins of four words commonly used in The Rock Star’s Wife series:
Cock: The word for a man’s penis is connected to the term for a rooster, a cock. Variations of the word appear in multiple languages: French (coq), Latin (coccus), Old English (cok), Old German (kukko) and Old Norse (kok). Roosters were used to get people up from sleep, so somewhere along the line, the connection was made to a sexual organ that “gets up.”
The word first appeared in print in 1618. “Oh, man, what art thou when thy cock is up?”
Source: Psychology Today
Dick: The origins of dick are not as straightforward as it has both sexual and nonsexual meanings. The use of it as a nickname for a penis began around 1836 and was popularized by military men in the 1880s.
Source: Chicago Tribune and Wikipedia
Fuck: While many of us were told fuck was an acronym for “for unlawful carnal knowledge,” etymologists say this is not true. One of the most versatile words in the English language, it entered the dictionary in 1598. It is closely related to the Old German words ficken and fucken, which are related to the Latin words for prick and puncture.
The word, once considered extremely vulgar, was banned for a time from the Oxford English Dictionary and became rare in print between the 18th century and 1960.
Source: Dictionary.com
Pussy: Women are often equated to cats in poetry and in other ways. The term “catty,” for example. The sexual term pussy originates from a term for a cat (puss) and the Old Norse and Old German term for a pouch (pusa). Eventually, pusa came to mean a pouch-like anatomical structure.
The word first appeared in print in 1664. “Here’s good health to thee, good company, and good pussy.”
Source: Psychology Today
Sex & Sexuality Question 7: Who's Reading Erotica?
Cassandra, the main character in The Rock Star’s Wife series, has been writing dirty stories since she was a teenager. It isn’t until Rock Star Mom that her hobby turns into a fledging career as an erotica writer, so let’s take a look at the erotica book market.
Erotica is defined as written words that arouse and excite. The plot revolves around people having sex, how they are having sex and with whom.
Those unfamiliar with the genre sometimes try to shame those who read or write it. This might be for religious reasons, or it might be because of a number of misconceptions. One misconception is that reading erotica makes it more difficult to get turned on in real life with your partner. Studies have shown the opposite is true and that reading erotica can add spice to a reader’s sex life.
Erotic romance is a related genre. It features a love story and character development paired with strong, often explicit, sexual interaction that would damage the story line if removed.
The romance and erotica genres generate $1.44 billion in sales annually.
Erotica has a number of tropes ranging from somewhat realistic (students and teachers) to fantasy (sex with monsters) and everything in between including topics that are taboo otherwise (incest).
Erotic romance, being more character driven, has its own set of tropes such as dating a best friend’s sibling.
Either way, book retailers’ rules can make or break a sale. Amazon is notorious for punishing authors, often without notice or explanation.
“Any story about trends in erotica or erotic romance must reckon with Amazon’s impact on the genres,” Publishers Weekly explains. “The company’s dominance as an e-book distribution platform — and its squeamishness toward sexual content — gives it tremendous influence in determining what’s popular, as it dictates what can and cannot be easily purchased.”
Amazon’s rules are often unwritten. Authors crossing over the invisible line can find themselves in a situation where their books are still for sale on the site but don’t show up in search results.
No matter the retailer, it requires a volume of books or short stories to make a living. Erotica writers commonly publish at least once a month. Erotic romance authors write longer works and are unable to publish monthly.
Demographics
A 2021 study published on Nature.com posed the questions: Who reads erotica and why?
Researchers point out that EL James’ Fifty Shades of Grey and its sequels have sold 150 million copies as of when the study was published. Other erotica authors, such as Audrey Carlan, Sylvia Day and Anna Todd, have seen comparable success. They also point out that there have been few studies done on erotica and its fans.
“Citing the low literary value of the new variant of erotic novels, many discussions in the media have readily dismissed their audience as readers of bad or mediocre taste, without actually investigating the reading motivations and reading experiences of these readers in any detail,” the researchers said.
So who are erotica readers?
- Women mostly between the ages of 21 and 40
- 80 percent say they are frequent readers
- 85 percent discuss books with others
- More than half have a university degree
- Most work full time
- More than half are married or in a committed relationship
When asked which book features were most important to them, the survey participants listed the story world followed by characters, explicitness and romance. When it came to content, they listed hot and exciting first followed by progressive, being easy to read or kitschy, and moral boundaries and taboos.
So why do people read erotica? Distraction. This was followed by being able to join book discussions and sexual reasons.
While most readers feel at ease with erotica, or are fascinated by it, a small minority admitted feeling embarrassed with their book selections.
This article is part of the reader's guide for The Rock Star's Wife series by Melina Druga, a contemporary fiction series about sex, family, and rock & roll. The series follows Cassandra from her teen years into her 40s as she navigates relationships (both romantic and platonic) — all with music playing a prominent role.