Spoilers Ahead! What harm can an ancestry test cause? For most families, absolutely nothing. For the Economos family, it turns their lives upside down. That’s because sometimes DNA reveals a family secret, specifically adultery. What are the effects of adultery on families? The effects are numerous, and thanks to ancestry testing, unearthing family secrets has become increasingly common.
One Reddit user described his or her experience. “The first thing my dad and I did was compare our ‘Ancestry Composition’ and I noticed it was a bit… off to say the least. He is highly British & Irish (most strongly connected to the UK) with a small bit of French & German. I am mostly Scandinavian (most strongly connected to Sweden) with over a quarter French & German and some Italian. I then went to DNA Relatives and… you guessed it. He didn’t pop up on mine and I didn’t pop up on his. There was a half sibling (sharing 26.3%) and father match however.”
There are countless stories like this one.
“Discoveries like this affect not only the person who took test, but also affects the entire family. Jenny’s four siblings had varying reactions and are themselves still processing what it all means,” genealogist Amy Johnson Crow says on her blog.
Not a Victimless Crime
Adultery affects the entire family
Many believe adultery only affects the adulterer and his or her partner. In reality, it affects the entire extended family as well as friends, causing a loss of trust, lost of self esteem, anxiety, feelings of betrayal, self doubt and anger.
“Secrets, lies, and deceit become pervasive, hindering the ability to openly express emotions and concerns. Honest and transparent communication, which is vital for resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships, becomes elusive,” MyWellbeing says. “The lack of communication further deepens the emotional chasm within the family, making it difficult to navigate the healing process.”
In addition, legal separations and divorces cause financial hardship.
How Adultery Effects Adult Children
Adult children still feel the lingering effects of a parent’s infidelity
Many think of adultery in terms of offspring who are still children. However, adultery has lingering affects into adulthood. Families may move on, but it never becomes easy to deal with a parent’s adultery.
Here are some traits adult children in this situation experience:
- People must earn your trust, and even then it’s not complete trust
- You’ve built metaphorical walls around yourself
- Romantic partners must show how committed they are
- “I love you” is not enough on its own
- You don’t always admit your negative feelings to your partner
One step toward healing is for the adulterer to admit complete fault and acknowledge the harm caused to others. This will allow the family to address the issue and move on.
Here’s the 4-1-1
This blog is a companion piece to Family Upheaval available in eBook, paperback and hardcover. Family drama is the name of the game in this emotional follow-up to Sex and Surprises, as Cassandra Hardwick is forced to deal with the fallout when a casually taken DNA test turns up some life-changing results. Buy now.
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