a man walking away with a suitcase

Jennifer Anderson Economos’ father abandoned her, her mother and her sisters when Jennifer was 14.  In Holiday Homecoming, Mr. Anderson hopes to make amends with the family he abandoned.  Should Jennifer, her sisters and mother believe him?  They have years of family history telling them not to.  Let’s look at why men abandon their families.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 7 million men are classified as absent fathers, wanting little or nothing to do with parenting, although 42 percent do see their children at least once a month.

Reasons Why

couple arguing

A hostile relationship with a partner is one reason men abandon their families

“A myriad of factors, both internal and external, can contribute to abandonment by men in family relationships, making it essential to address these issues and seek solutions to strengthen family bonds and support healthier relationships,” Men’s Central blog says.

The blog lists 20 reasons men leave:

  1. Financial stress from things like debt, unemployment or unstable income
  2. Hostile relationship with partner
  3. Undiagnosed or untreated mental health issues
  4. Substance abuse
  5. Trauma, grief, or other stressors that cause a man to withdraw emotionally
  6. Fear of commitment or not desiring commitment
  7. Infidelity
  8. Bending to the influence of friends or peers
  9. Cultural or societal pressure clash with personal values or desires
  10. Growing up without positive family role models
  11. Relentless pursuit of career success
  12. Incarceration or ongoing legal battles
  13. Emotional immaturity
  14. Waning interest in relationships
  15. Contentious divorce or separation
  16. Seeking independence, adventure, or personal growth
  17. Inability to manage family responsibilities
  18. Midlife crisis
  19. Incompatibility with partner
  20. Relocating for career advancement

Do They Regret It?

woman stopping a man from leaving

Men sometimes regret leaving

Do men who leave their families regret it later as Mr. Anderson does?  It depends who you ask.

“Men who break their promises and betray their families usually have no room or time to think about regret,” Midlife Divorce Recovery, a program helping women struggling through divorce, says.  “Occasionally, they may have pangs of regret when milestones with the children are missed. Or when their family moves forward without them. But they seem to not allow themselves to go to that regret space very often. Instead, they blame us and our children for excluding them, and so regret doesn’t have a chance.”

Conversely, FatherResource, a website dedicated to helping father, says, “If men leave a relationship, they have some regret in most cases. Many difficult decisions that involve emotional attachment leave us with feelings of regret. For example, if men are emotionally invested in a relationship, they will likely regret leaving their families, if they choose to do so. This may not be right away but can happen over time.”

Should Jennifer, her sisters and mother forgive Mr. Anderson?  Looks like they’ll need to go with their guts on this one.

Here’s the 4-1-1

This blog is a companion piece to Holiday Homecoming available in eBook, paperback and hardcover.  Set during the events of Rock Star Romance, this wintry interlude in the Rock Star’s Wife series follows two couples wrestling with family drama in the midst of holiday cheer. Buy now.

To listen to the songs mentioned in The Rock Star’s Wife series, follow The Rock Star’s Wife on Spotify.

For more information on the licenses mentioned on this page, visit https://creativecommons.org/about/cclicenses/.

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